So very often life puts us on the defensive. It always seems to be a dog eat dog world, where there is only so much room for successful people. And anyone who doesn’t sneak into that category is left to fight for scraps. Because of the reality of this fear, life becomes a competition. We begin to believe that only one of us can do well, and there becomes little desire to help others, even if there’s a possibility that we’ll be better off for it.
Unfortunately, this mentality compounds itself to the point where it’s very difficult to snap out of. The more we rely on fending for only ourselves and our families (sometimes), the harder it is to change our patterns. Life starts to appear as though there are winners and losers and limitations on how many winners there can be. Once we begin thinking there is a finite amount to go around, greed and selfishness take over, and at that point we abandon all thoughts of teamwork or cooperation. It’s not something that can’t be fixed, but awareness and want-to is necessary.
Not all things or people are this way, but such behavior is definitely common. In fact, I’d guess that at one point or another we’ve all had an opportunity to give some of ourselves to someone else, while sacrificing a bit of what we want, and instead chose to look out for our own interests. I’m not suggesting you should be ashamed of your decision, nor should you become so consumed with helping others that you are constantly neglecting your own needs, but consider the opportunity cost of benefiting another at your own expense and ask yourself if it wouldn’t have been such a big deal to help them out. You might be surprised at the unexpected effects of your decision.
Here’s an example:
Suppose you and a colleague are both seeking the same promotion and as the time for the decision is approaching this co-worker asks you for your help in finishing a project because the particular task is something that you excel in. In this example, let’s assume that you’re not mandated in your job description to agree to help on this task. Do you help out?
There are arguments both for and against helping. Let’s break down both of them:
No, I don’t want to help. Why should I help her? If she’s so qualified for this promotion then why does she need my help? Then when I agree to help her and the rest of her presentation is lacking she can blame me for its failing? No, I’ll just let her crash and burn and be there to pick up the pieces. That way I’ll look even better to the bosses, and she’ll look much too incompetent to handle the promotion. This is my opportunity to stand out!
Result: You refuse to help out, citing your own heavy workload, and the project is finished by your co-worker. The presentation turns out to be decent, but not as good as it could have been. The co-worker receives praise for doing the best she could under the circumstances, but the company fails to receive the increased revenue it had hoped for as a result of the presentation. The company continues on as a limited growth business, unable to expand as it had anticipated. You get the promotion because the co-worker is deemed “not ready” for a position of such responsibility. It means a meager salary raise for you, and a similar increase in revenue for the company. You’re happy with your decision. Not much else changes.
Or, the second scenario:
Sure, I’ll help you. I couldn’t let her give this presentation that represents the company without it showing the company’s best work. And because I’m most fit for the promotion, I am the company’s best worker. I wouldn’t want the company to look bad when I know I’m capable of producing better. If this presentation fails, then the whole company fails. When the bosses find out I helped her they’ll be so impressed with my willingness to help my opposition for the promotion in the name of what’s good for the company that there will be no way they don’t promote me. This is exactly the opportunity I need to show what I’ve got. This is my opportunity to stand out!
Result: You agree to help out, despite your heavy workload and together you finish the project. The presentation turns out to be excellent, resulting in a large number of sales for your company. Your co-worker receives a lot of praise for her hard work on the project and you are also mentioned as someone who sacrificed for the betterment of the company. The large influx of sales allows the company to grow faster than originally planned and now they are looking for two people to be promoted rather than one. Remembering the unselfishness and teamwork that you and your co-worker showed on this most recent project, as well as its high quality output, the bosses decide you and your co-worker are deserving of the promotion. The company continues to grow, perhaps faster than it would have had the presentation not been as successful, and in a few short years, you and that co-worker have risen to two very prominent, powerful positions within the company. It means an enormous salary raise for you, and company culture is much more pleasant and cooperative.
I don’t know about you, but I would definitely prefer the second scenario. Sure, it doesn’t always work out that perfectly, but the point is in order to get ahead yourself, sometimes you have to help others first. In this particular case, by helping your co-worker first, you, her and the entire company benefits. Another thing to keep in mind is that the benefit to you may not be obvious or instantaneous like it was in the example. Sometimes just making a sacrifice to help someone else better their situation is all you need to induce a karmic repayment down the road. A good rule of thumb is if it doesn’t cause you too much time, money, or stress then you should definitely consider offering your services.
Competition Bred by Scarcity
Competition is bred by scarcity or the thought that only one team can win. In things such as athletic contests, award shows, and board games it’s true-only one team or person can win. But that doesn’t mean everyone doesn’t benefit. Think about it. In an athletic contest the losing team is still participating in an activity that they enjoy (not to mention the compensation- $ for pros, degrees for college athletes), in award shows the nominees are still awarded precious publicity whether they win or lose, and who doesn’t have fun playing board games? I will admit though, that competition does have a place in our society. It encourages maximum effort and discipline.
However, don’t be fooled into thinking there is no cooperation among competitors. There is much more than you might guess. Every football season you hear about a veteran quarterback who is helping a rookie along in his learning process, despite the fact that the vet knows this youngster will take his position from him sooner than later. Or how about football coaches who share schemes and strategies with one another in the off-season. In the face of competition, cooperation still occurs.
Although only one team or individual can win in a particular contest, it is the goal of all involved to raise the level of competition to its highest form. It’s a challenge to see how high we can raise it to. It’s the game against us. And that’s how we should view life. We try to give everyone similar tools (education and guidance) and then from there we let them take a crack at it. Inevitably the cream rises to the top. I tend to think that those people are not the winners of a competition but rather those who recognized the challenge and overcame it. There is enough room for everyone to be successful if they so choose. Excuses and greed are the two biggest reasons why most never reach their potential.
Excuses come as a result of laziness and fear. Those who lack motivation and/or are afraid of failure (and sometimes of success) resort to making excuses for why they’re in their particular situation. It’s always someone else’s fault. Instead, these people need to search for ways to overcome whatever obstacles they find themselves facing. Feed off of the challenge, and understand that it’s something you can achieve.
Those who find themselves as a victim of greed are surrounding themselves with people who see life as a competition. They are so insecure in their own abilities that they think they need to sabotage others in order to preserve their own survival. These types of people need others to stand on to reach where they’re going, because they are incapable of reaching that level on their own. But once their tactics are discovered, most will move away from them, and eventually they will run out of shoulders to stand on.
Don’t allow your fear of scarcity to fuel your insecurities. Instead, welcome the challenge of achieving success, encourage others to join you, and combine forces with them to realize your true potential.
Remember, there is no quota or cap for the amount of people who reach the top, but there are requirements. Whoever meets them is allowed in the club, and there’s no reason why you can’t or shouldn’t give someone else a boost when they’re in need.
